Defending the Sanctity of Marriage?

Conservatives are busy defending the Sanctity of Marriage when it comes to extending the right to marry (along with the federal provisions that come along with this status) to gay couples.  This is all based on a discrimitory and unconstitutional piece of legislation, the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) of 1996 which defined marriage as being between a man and a woman.

Although Bill Clinton originally signed this Act into law, he has changed his position and is in full support for equality for all couples regardless of gender.  Meanwhile, Conservatives are fighting to deny this basic right to the pursuit of happiness to gay couples while waving the American flag and spouting off bible scriptures.  But what are they really afraid of and what is so “Holy” about matrimony, especially here in the US where the divorce rate exceeds the rate of marriages (first, second, third and so on…)

Marriage was originally created for nothing more than the transfer and wealth and property.  Prospective wives came with a dowry of goods to improve her chances of being wed and improving her family’s lot in life.

Many countries and religions (including those in the US) still honor the practice of arranged marriages.  How much sanctity is there between a man and woman that have never met?

There are those who marry for the sake of social climbing.  In Hollywood it’s often used for publicity, a feeding frenzy for the paparazzi and fans alike.

California, among other states boast of sugar daddies marrying women young enough to be their daughter, if not younger than existing children from a string of unsuccessful marriages.

In Las Vegas you can get a quickly marriage by an Elvis impersonator in a drive through chapel.

Any U.S. Town Hall will grant a marriage certificate to a man and his “Mail Order Bride” for the sake of a green card.

On popular shows such as ABC’s The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, 30 prospective spouses spar game show style for the hand of someone they hardly get a chance to really know so they can bask in their 15 minutes of fame.  Results? Out of 13 seasons – 13 relationships, 12 break-ups, 1 case of domestic violence, and one marriage after a change of heart from the winner to the runner-up.

Other shows devote themselves to showcasing the frivolous, outlandish, ridiculous, pretentious, and utterly insane preparations for that infamous walk down the aisle.  From Redneck Weddings, Big Fat Gypsy Weddings to the most repulsive and nauseating – Bridezilla, marriage has become something akin to a sideshow in a circus.   This is what the Religious Right is fighting to preserve for strictly straight couples to have the right to enjoy.  To them it is Sanctimonious – but as far as I’m concerned - it’s sickening.

There are still a few of us who view the privilege of such a union as a serious, lifelong commitment.  My husband and I are among the last of these dinosaurs, still happily married after 31 years, proud parents of two wonderful children.  Although our ceremony took place in a community church, we avoided all the religious rhetoric.  Our union was a choice, between two consenting adults, based on love and the desire to spend the rest of our lives together.    Our vows were promises to one and other, not just some Anglican verbiage from the Book of Prayers written back in 1549, nor the Roman Catholic Rites of Marriage which assumes the Union is between a man, a woman and God.  Sorry, we’re not into ménage au trios.   Friends and family blessed our relationship. That’s all that really matters.  And we have stayed together because we choose to and not out of fear of being denounced by a higher power or one of his earth bound agencies.

The Southern Baptist Church is extremely outspoken on this issue.  They argue that the only holy union is between a man and woman, regardless of whether they are first cousins. You think I’m just being sarcastic, but consider these “actual laws”  (via www. Dumblaws.com)

In Alabama, an incestuous marriage is legal.  There again, it is also mandated that wearing a blindfold while driving is illegal.

In Arizona it is legal for a man to beat his wife once a month.  However, it is illegal for a woman to keep two sexual toys in her home.  Perhaps if husbands were not encouraged to resort to spousal abuse she would need them in the first place. 

In Arkansas a couple can be charged with Sodomy for practicing oral sex and here too - men can beat their wives once a month, however, it’s illegal to mispronounce “Arkansas”.  

In Florida, when engaging in sex, a couple must only use the missionary position and husbands are forbidden from kissing their wife’s breasts, however, it is illegal to sell your children, shower while naked or have sex with a porcupine.

North Carolina is particularly strict when it comes to matters of the heart.  If a man and a woman who aren’t married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are “legally” married.  Additionally, all couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds that are at least two feet apart.  Sex is restricted to the missionary position with the shades pulled and not permitted in churchyards.  Oral sex is a crime against nature.  Marriages can be declared void if either partner is physically impotent.

In Oklahoma it is illegal to engage in sex before marriage.  You may not wear your boots to bed nor place farm animal’s hind legs in them.   It is also illegal to take a bite from someone else’s burger, pretend to have sex with a buffalo or most importantly – go whaling.   

In South Carolina, if a man promises to marry an unmarried woman the marriage must take place.  It is also legal to beat your wife on the courthouse steps on Sundays.  I wonder if that is before or after church.

Texas is a bit more liberal than Arizona, allowing women to possess up to 6 dildos, although it is forbidden to have sex with a buffalo on the second story of a hotel.  And a recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.  That’s a relief!

Although not related to marriage or sex, these were too good to pass up –

In Indiana Pi is legally equal to 3. 

In Kansas, if two trains meet on the same track, neither may proceed until the other has passed.

Aren’t you glad states such as these are actively engaged in making political decisions concerning marriage and what goes on behind closed doors?

Conservatives are afraid that extending the right of marriage to homosexuals defies God’s laws and destroys the sanctity of Holy Matrimony.   How about the sanctity of love or honoring one's neighbor? What about the sin of denying other's their freedom and rights or the arrogance of sitting in judgement?

It must be noted that making marriage a legal right to ALL who wish to enjoy the privilege along with the civic and legal rights that comes with it -  has no bearing on religion.  Churches can, as they always have, discriminate against anyone they wish too.   Many forbid marrying outside one’s faith or race, so if they have issues with sex – they can follow the anti-drugs motto and “just say no” to conducting these unions.  If same sex couples are unhappy about this, there are many churches that have adopted living in the 21^st century who would welcome them with open arms. 

Common law in 9 states and the District of Columbia allow any two people who are consenting, sound of mind, and of legal age to be considered legally married for all purposes and in all circumstances.  There is no need for a license, ceremony, or preacher.  A Justice of the Peace will suffice as the couple declares their union to the world.   So why forbid same sex couples from pursuing this right that has been extended to straight couples for ions, not to mention grievously abused by them as well.  After all Love, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness is the American Way. Discrimination, oppression and hatred is the way of the outdated relics making up the Religious Right and opponents and same sex marriage.

My brother came out a few years ago at the age of 63.  For far too many years he allowed outdated social norms and expectations to dictate his happiness.  Now he is married to a wonderful man whom I’m proud to call my brother-in-law.  They have a strong, devoted relationship and are a fine example of what the sanctity of marriage is really about.  Their relationship does not hurt anyone.  They do not dictate what’s acceptable or unacceptable for same-sex couples and are productive, law-abiding citizens.  I would gladly stand by their side much quicker than I would anyone that finds fault with such a union.

My husband and I firmly support same-sex marriage and can only hope that the Congressmen and Justices of the US government finally get unstuck from the past and recognize it is time to make adjustments to outdated legislation to bring this country up to speed with the “New Normal”, protecting and ensuring the rights of everyone equally.