Mindful Introspection & Self-Evaluation

"You've got to do a checkup from the neck-up to stop your stinking thinking". ~ Zig Zigler

Have you ever taken a good look at yourself? I mean a "real" good look. Not just outward appearances, but rather deep inside the dark recesses of your mind. It's sort of like rummaging through the basement or attic of your house. You never know what you might find stored away.

What do you see? Is it someone who is well adjusted, reasonably content with their lot in life and comfortable in their own skin? Someone you would choose to be best friends with? If so, that's wonderful.

But what if that image is of a confused, tormented, or frightened person? Do you feel disconnected from the reflection or does it make you uncomfortable? If you are unhappy about who or what you see - that's alright, you are far from alone. One in four people (or more) suffer from psychiatric disorders ranging from very mild to severely dibilitating. There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and don't let anyone tell you there is.

Recognition that things are not "A-ok" is a sign that you are ready to get back on track. Being able to admit that something is amiss within your mind or environment, that concerns for your (or a loved one's) health is too much to handle, or that you find relationships, your career or interests are no longer satisfying is a crucial first step. This is especially true when it impedes your ability to function or feel happy. So what's holding you back?

Unfortunately, you must first overcome the roadblocks of denial, blame, guilt, shame, resentment, ignorance, or just plain arrogance. These factors interfer with our ability to see the truth. Once you get past them, you must be willing to commit yourself to change and that requires persistence and hard work on your part. Like Ringo Starr sang, " You got to pay your dues if you want to sing the blues and you know it don't come easy."

Support is readily available if you seek it. All you have to do is ask for help. No matter how big or little your problem is, there are numerous MDs, psychologists, social workers, counselors, clerics, life coaches/mentors and advocacy groups that can provide counseling either in person or via social media. So no excuses! I'm sure even your mother, in-laws or best friend will be more than happy to dish out advice. Well... maybe it's better to stick to the pros.

γνῶθι σεαυτόν or "Know Thyself"

You can get a head start on good mental health or keep tabs on it through self-awareness.  This is an important exercise whether you have troubles weighing you down or if you feel everything is fine just the way it is. Not a new concept, the Delphic command in ancient Greece was γνῶθι σεαυτόν.  The hippies of the 60's talked of "tuning in and tuning out". Today we call it "mindfulness."

Like any other type of examination you may undergo, it isn't always pleasant. It may induce anxiety of varying degrees depending on your individual circumstances. Therefore, it is best performed in conjunction with a relaxation exercise. Even if you don’t use this method for quiet introspection, practicing it for as little as five minutes a day is a healthy way of reducing stress and blood pressure levels while improving your overall health, providing a boost of energy and focus.

Find a quiet spot where you can be alone without interruption. If there is outside noise you may want to put on head phones and listen to relaxing music or perhaps buy yourself a "Sound Conditioner". If all else fails resort to ear plugs. Put up a "Do Not Disturb" sign to make sure everyone is aware not to bother you and most of all, turn that damned cell phone off and set it to voice mail! This is time for YOU.

Sit in a comfortable, upright position with legs crossed and hands clasped in your lap (or lie down if you are more comfortable).  Relax and close your eyes.  Slowly breathe in naturally and concentrate on the air flowing in and out of your nostrils, filling your lungs and exhale through your mouth.  At first you may be distracted by thoughts racing through your head. Try to avoid the temptation of allowing your mind to wander off and bring attention back your breathing. Be patient with yourself. It may take awhile until you can feel fully focused, relaxed, and calm.

You may enter a state with a dream-like quality. With your mind's eye, visualize the "real you", taking note of colors, forms, and shapes. Are they whole or fragmented, real or abstract? Do you see symbols, objects, animals, pictures or other people? Practice this until you can view yourself objectively, supportively and lovingly, as you would a lost child. Try painting a self-portrait of what you see, in words or pictures, whatever outlet or media allows you to express yourself best. Creativity is an expression of the unconscious mind.

THE QUESTIONS

"Who am I?"
Skip details such as career, social/marital status, religion, domicile and so forth. This is an introspective exercise - NOT a resume. Those things may tell something "about" you but are not "you". They are merely temporary descriptions and roles that may wax and wane as life passes by. Delve deeper into your psyche and identify what unique qualities makes you stand out from the rest of the crowd.

"What issues are weighing me down the most? What things would I like to change?"
How does your body respond to each thought that crosses your mind. Does your chest tighten? Does your pulse increase? Do your muscles tighten up? You may lie to yourself, but the body tells all.  Take note of what triggers set off a emotional reaction. With practice you can learn to recognize them and relax when they occur.

"What topics or memories do I avoid because they are too troubling? Which cause a sense of guilt, embarrassment or shame?"
We tend to repress things that are too painful to think about. It is a natural defense mechanism, although not always the most helpful if we want to heal. If thinking about such issues cause you anxiety, picture yourself in a special place, somewhere that you know you will be safe. Remind yourself that thoughts cannot harm you. In fact, by opening up and facing them you can set yourself free from their hold on you.

YOUR JOURNAL

Now it's time for the written part of this exam. Make a list of your personal talents, interests and strong points. This is not time for modesty so go ahead - let your ego run wild. There are no rules or boundaries.

Write down and answer each of the following questions:

• What and who do I want to be?
• What positive traits do I wish to develop?
• What are my dreams and wildest fantasies?
• What did I want to be as a child or teenager?
• If I could be anyone else in time or place, whom would that be?
• Who are my mentors or heroes?
• If I could make one difference in this world, what would it be?

Keep a journal of your thoughts and experiences throughout this exercise, noting how it made you feel (physically and emotionally). As time passes you may want to go back and review it, however, don't give in to the desire to change anything. You may be surprised at the patterns that begin to emerge. This will provide you with a gage to measure where you've been, where you are now and what you need to stay on track for where you're headed.

QUIZ TIME

It's time to get down to the nitty gritty. Answer the following questions honestly. Make sure it's from your perspective and not what you think the "right" answer is or what others might say. Keep focused on the present moment.

Are you in good health?

Are your eating, sleeping, and fitness habits conducive to good health?

Are you comfortable with your body, your looks, and your weight?

Do you have enough energy to get you through the day?

Are your sexual desires and practices healthy, safe, and satisfying?

Do you avoid smoking and the use of drugs?

Do you limit your intake of alcohol?

Do you have regular physical, dental and visual check-ups?

Do you practice preventitive care?

Do you live a happy, fulfilling life?

Are you independent and comfortable being alone?

Do you fill your spare time with hobbies, interests, and physical activity?

Are you fully functional when it comes to caring and providing for yourself?

Are you involved in a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship(s)?

Do you have friends?

Do you function well in a variety of social settings, from one on one to large gatherings?

Are you flexible, accepting of others, unbiased and open-minded?

Are you equally comfortable taking the lead or working as a member of a team?

Do you avoid gossip?

Do you consider yourself to be well balanced, stable and normal?

Do you have a healthy level of self-esteem, without need for validation?

Do you accept reality along with its limitations and possibilities?

Can you focus without being easily distracted?

Are you capable of making sound decisions?

Do you think and act rationally and logically?

Are your emotions and behaviors on par with the average person?

Do you express your feelings with the same intensity as most people?

Do you experience a normal range of ups and downs in response to your environment?

Do you react reasonably and conscientious to stressors?

Are you quicker to share good news rather than lament about your problems?

Do you have firm goals, ambitions or desires to aim for?

Do you take pleasure in life, taking on new challenges?

Do you enjoy your work or career?

Is your outlook on life promising and positive?

Can you laugh and smile?

Do you allow yourself to dream and wish?

Do you handle anger, disappointment, and criticism in a balanced, calm fashion?

Are you able to cope with transitions, traumas, losses or painful adversities?

Do you bounce back quickly?

Do you practice forgiveness?

Can you let go of the past, concentrating on living in the present?

Do you feel relaxed and unencumbered by stress, anxiety or unwarranted fears?

Do you feel safe at home, work and/or school?

Are you free of compulsions, obsessive behaviors?

Are you free of nervous twitches otherwise known as "tics"?

Can you say "no"?

Do you value your life and well being, avoiding things or people that may be toxic?

Do you set reasonable boundaries or what you will or will not tolerate?

Have you managed to stay on a consistent career path?

Do you handle you finances responsibly?

Are you prepared and willing to take on challenges in a responsible fashion?

Do you calculate potential risks and consequences, taking all necessary precautions?

Do you think before you speak or act?

Can you accept responsibility for your choices and actions?

Have you always been honest, never cheating or telling a lie?

Did you answer YES to every question? (If so - are you running for President on the GOP ticket?)

May I remind you of the tagline from the medical show “House” - “Everybody lies.” The most “normal” person would have answered NO to at least a few questions, especially the last!

Remember, address these questions only by what you consider to be “normal” or typical for you. You'll find the same questions on an endless array of Internet sites claiming to provide self-evaluation quizes for various disorders. Bear in mind that many of those tests base their results feebly on generalized data or statistics and are usually geared to a specific product or service. They do not take into consideration that age, medications and certain physical conditions may cause or mimic psychiatric symptoms. Nor do they allow for your unique circumstances, such as the environment or culture in which you were raised. I pose these questions as merely a guideline or starting point for introspection and further consideration.

SUMMARY

Please note: If you’ve answered NO to several of these questions, you might consider seeking a professional opinion or evaluation to learn more.

Just as a yearly doctor's exam protects you from potential physical illness by revealing underlying conditions that you may not be aware of, the occasional Check-up from the Neck-up will keep you in touch with yourself providing the same healthy security for your psyche and brain.  Don't be afraid to take a look inside and make an honest assessment. Your peace of mind and mental well being may depend on it.

RIGID PERSONALITY or Obessive Compulsive Personality Disorder

In response to my previous article regarding Dissociative Identity or multi personality disorder, a reader commented that conversely there are those who lack sufficient fragmentation in their personalities and that this condition represents the polar opposite of DID.  This inspired me to research behavioral patterns that I have observed and dealt with for many years but have never thought of in terms of "mental illness".

Looking up the first phrase that came to mind, "rigid personality", I immediately found several articles pertaining to the subject.  Ah yes, the inflexible one, I know thee all too well, and I’ll bet you do too. But what I wanted to know was if this is just a case of someone with a “difficult or stubborn nature” or symptomatic of an underlying psychiatric condition?  It depends.

All traits (objective and behavioral), including those associated with mental disorders, fall somewhere along a wide continuum between two equal and opposite poles, just like everything else in nature. Abnormal is measured by the deviation from a statistical center point representing equilibrium or “normal”.  It is easy to understand how too much “disorder” would be considered abnormal; however, too much “order” renders one inflexible.  For instance, the disordered structure of an unstretched rubber band renders it unstable and weak while the highly ordered structure of glass makes it brittle and prone to breakage.  Equilibrium is found in the middle – equally pliable and strong (think fiberglass reinforced rubber tires).

An overly rigid personality can result in difficulties in a range of areas including, but not limited to:

• Communication and interpersonal skills - both verbal (spoken) and non-verbal (unspoken) such as the ability to open up and share one’s emotions; understanding or caring what others think and feel (empathy); and maintaining and holding a meaningful conversation

• Perception - processing visual and audiological stimuli such as understanding the subtle nuances of humor and sarcasm; reading body language and facial expressions; deciphering intonation and context; spatial manipulation; and artistic ability

• Obsessive behaviors - such as repetition of words or actions, fidgeting, uncontrolled movements (tics) such as blinking or muscular twitches, obsessively following routines or schedules, perfectionism, ritualistic behaviors, or as often found in the workplace - the "Micromanager"

• Lack of flexibility in attitude, opinion, and perception

• Low stress tolerance levels, poor anger control, increased reactiveness

Several of these issues can be found in those suffering from pathological conditions such as Asperger Syndrome or other Autistic Spectrum Disorders (ASDs), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Senile Dementia, and Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (not to be confused with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder/ OCD), among others.

While Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder or Rigid Personality may be associated with a pathological condition, ergo “Nature”, it may have roots in one’s upbringing, environment or cultural background, thus “Nurture”.   It can be learned as a child through the example of those around us.  It may result from excessive discipline, parental pressure, or when a child is made to feel they that nothing they do is right or good enough.  For some it may be a coping/survival mechanism when faced with extreme trauma, abuse and/or brainwashing.  While rigidness may signal a personality disorder it can also viewed as a desirable trait when associated with genius, self discipline, success and leadership.

Those with OCPD rarely change throughout their life nor do they have a desire to so.  They can be highly opinionated, close minded and unyielding.  Don't try to confuse them with the facts - their minds are already made up.  Their commitment to and confidence in their ideals is only matched by the verbosity in which they defend them.  This often leads to conflict with others resulting in stress and frustration, which needless to say, they blame on others.  OCPDs rarely recognize or seek help for their condition.

They have a fixed way of doing things. Usually left brain dominant, they tend to be obsessively neat and organized, striving to keep things under control, always searching for new ways to increase efficiency and productivity while keeping a close and steady eye on the bottom line.  Highly focused and determined they tend to measure their self worth through their finances, careers/interests and their accomplishments rather than their interactions with or relationships with others. These are the types that are married to their jobs. They tend to be perfectionists and become easily irritated and annoyed when their expectations are not met.

Social and communication skills are problematic.  Friendships often fail under the weight of their demands for others to conform to their ways and views.  A highly volatile, argumentive and confrontational nature pushes others away.  Their rigid attitudes of what is “right and wrong” can be extremely overwhelming.  They may be prone to taking prejudiced, biased, discriminatory and condescending stances while lacking the implications of their words and actions.   Unable to openly express feelings and or emotion, they may appear to be stoic and unempathetic to others.  Even those closest to them may find it impossible to break down the barriers that separate them from the rest of the world.

You don't have to look far to find this personality in action. Just look among the Who’s Who in politics and business, famed divas and dudes of mass media, religious zealots and pontiffs, and the movers and shakers of math and science. The top 1% is teeming with them. They make great lawyers, actuaries, and accountants. The last thing you need is a lawyer who changes his mind during an argument or an accountant that estimates rather than calculates.

On the other hand, they may be closer at hand among your friends, family, neighbors, clients and colleagues.  Many a men will swear their mother-in-laws are OCPD.  The younger generation will see it in the “old” (that is anyone over 35), and they in turn may recognize it in anyone who qualifies for AARP membership. Employees assert that their bosses suffer from it.  Doctors complain about dealing with “difficult” patients all the time.  And I’m sure countless husbands will recognize these traits in their wives and claim they have it for at least a week out of every month.  The holidays seem to bring them out in droves in the form of irritating houseguests.

OCPD may make a person unreachable, an unstoppable and unmovable force, a fierce competitor or simply a pain in the ass.  When dealing with those with extremes of this disorder, remember that each one has a unique story behind how they ended up that way and may suffer from deeper issues that are not apparent on the surface.  Don’t argue with them because it’s a battle you will never win and it only serves to fuel the fire.  A smile and nod works wonders to disarm them even if inside you are stomping mad and screaming “NOOOO!”  Winning their approval, a word of praise or getting them to agree with your ideas is an exercise in futility.  It’s best to gently suggest and let them think they thought of it first.  Most of all remember two things: 1) These traits are on a continuum of varying degrees and we all are OCPD to one extent or another which is probably why it’s so easy to see it in others, and 2) Whether someone is overly flexible or rigid, we can learn something valuable from their example.